


Let us feast

by tooast



Series: Let us feast [1]
Category: Hannibal (TV)
Genre: Broken Hannibal, CONTAINS SELF HARM, Cutting, DONT READ IF YOU'RE TRIGGERED BY THAT, Depressed Will, Disappointment, Fluff and Angst, Hannibal is a Cannibal, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Self-Harm, Smut, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, Suicide Notes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-29
Updated: 2017-11-25
Packaged: 2019-01-06 22:00:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12219783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tooast/pseuds/tooast
Summary: After Hannibal had left to Florence will finds himself alone in his house, secretly missing his favourite psychopath. In a night full of nightmares Hannibal suddenly returns to Baltimore so he and will can start a new relationship. At least that is his plan.





	1. Nightmare

Waves hitting the shore, roaring, splashing on him soaking him from head to toe in icy-cold water. Blood running down his face, out of several scratches and wounds on his forehead and cheeks, dripping in his eyes robbing him from his vision. The irony taste of it settling in his mouth, washing through it down his throat. Cold and scared he laid on the sandy ground, helpless and in need. Not able to move his eyes just twitched from image to image, blurry and weirdly familiar. But everything, every single image, was drenched in a red gloom the colors seemed oddly… wrong and off.

Suddenly severe pain hit him starting in his knees spreading out through his knees, thighs and up his spine. It hit him like a train opening his mouth he wanted to scream for help, the only that came out of it were weird coughing gorals. The blood thickened quickly, rapidly cutting his breathing and transforming every breath, every stroke for precious oxygen into a choking coughing. He spat up blood, loads of blood, it almost seemed like it was running out of him. ‘What is happening, where am I?’ ‘HELP!’ he wanted to scream those words out but his mouth was glued shut with thick clumpy blood.  
The red clouds in front of his eyes started to clear up, giving him back his eyesight, leaving him with an image ripping the air from his lungs.

A man, probably in his mid-40, wearing a slick blue suit and a striped tie. The perfect piece of fabric fit him as well as his presumable handcrafted leather shoes. Brown hair perfectly cut and brushed to his left. A slick smile ran over his face, almost invisible, only the corner of his mouth moving a bit upwards, without showing his teeth, just like a perfect accessoire for his look. But the appearance wasn’t what he was so shocked about. No! It was the cut-off head in his right hand. At hip-height he held it by the dark brown curls sprucing out of its skin. Cleanly separated from the neck of its previous owner it just hanged there. Eyes staring into nowhere, glossy and dead. It wasn’t just anyone. It was him, Will Graham.

“Hello will  
The man took the head, threw it over the shore, into the sea, turned around on his heel and started to walk away. “Wai.. Wait… Do… Don’t le..eave!” Will had ripped open his mouth with all of his remaining strength. “Pl… Please.”  
The man turned his head: “Will sometimes you have to let go of something to prevent crushing it with your very own hands.”  
“Don’t plea..se.” He whispered under his breath.  
“I’m sorry will, but unfortunately I do not have a choice.” He turned around again and started walking towards the cliffs that were separating sea from land. Will hadn’t even noticed them until now.  
“NOOOO DON’T! DON’T YOU DARE LEAVE ME! EVER AGAIN!”  
The suit stopped, held up his right hand and snapped his fingers.  
“AAAAAH DOOON’T LEAVE!" his screaming suddenly stopped.  
His vocal chords had snapped. The illusive man kept on walking, away, leaving will cold, alone and in need bleeding out slowly on the beach.  
Gigantic fontaines of blood suddenly shot over the edge of the gigantic stone wall, rumbling, clashing against them and towards the shore. Wills eyes widened, staring in shire fear of death towards them, his ears seemed to explode from the deafening noise.

The waves of red disgusting liquid had hit the shore, rushing over the beach right at him. ‘No! Not like this.” Thoughts were flashing in his head, through his mind like lightning bolts. The wave was probably 100 meters from him by now growling for him, for his soul. 50 meters. 20. 10. The impact ripped him around like he had got hit by a car, blood filling his nose, mouth and ears. Dyeing his hair and everything else in a deep dark. “Ah ghah…” grasping for air he breathed it in coughed, causing him to breathe in even more.  
Choking on it he started screaming.

“ HANNIBAL!”

Sweat drenched he woke up.


	2. Loneliness

Panting for air will rose up in his bed. Just sitting there for the next 5 minutes, trying to get back to normal, slowing down his breathing. 

The kitchen door sharply skqeaked as it opened the hinges had always done that but it didn’t bother will. There were a lot of things in his life that he could change, but he did not even try. Opening the refrigerator some vegetables and a few leftovers greeted him with the slight smell of damp old food. Just looking at it he felt his stomach turn, so the he slammed the door back shut.   
He’d liked Lecters cooking and somehow even started to miss him, more or less against his own will, secretly. Sometimes thoughts of booth of them flashed through his head and got stuck in his vision, only for a second, just to get crushed by the fact that Lecter was a dangerous psychopath. An awesomely dangerous psychopath. 

After fetching a towel from the bathroom will went back to his room, threw it over the stain of sweat and laid down again. He had stared at the cealing for at least 20 minutes when he finally accepted the fact that he would not fall asleep again, so he got up and slowly slurped himself over to the bathroom. Will looked in the mirror, at his face, it seemed oddly pale and he had some seriously dark rings under his glossy eyes.   
He had never liked his face, not a single time in his entire life, he hated it. Sometimes somebody told him that he looked handsome or was ‘such a nice guy’, he didn’t believe it. Nobody had ever really liked him and he had never really liked anyone. Except Hannibal he was… different. 

“No!” shouted will at the reflective glass of his mirrored closet. “He’s dangerous!” His words seemed to just reflect right of the mirror and straight back in his face. Taking to oneself, a problem will had encountered a few months back, after Hannibal had left him just like everyone else, there wasn’t anyone that would listen to him, so he’d started to talk to himself. Not just a few fords here and there. He had full conversations with himself, but only narrated one person, awnsering the silent questions and words in his head.   
Never receiving an answer was painful but on the other hand relieving. So he just stood there, shouting his words into nothing, at least the darkness listened. Will opened his bathroom closet that was installed right over the sink. A toothbrush, boringly white toothpaste, a bottle of shaving cream, a cheap plastic razor, and a bottle of aftershave looked down on him. He was still using the same; he didn’t even remember where he had got it from.   
Not knowing what to do next will go back to his bedroom put on some thicker clothes and headed through his Livingroom to the front door. All of his dogs were asleep, something that he got to see rarely. The wool jacket scratched the skin on his neck as he pulled it over his shoulders. He had decided to do what he had always done to get a clear head or if he couldn’t sleep: go outside, sometimes with his dogs, and watch the sun rise. 

Since it some snow fell the night before will decided to just sit down on his front porch, cheap and made of wood, tipycal American. His breath condenced as he breathed leaving a fine myst in the air.   
As the sun rose will sat up straight in the old chair in front of his house and looked towards the horizon. What was that over there? A deer? A young white tail had hopped over the thick blanket of snow, leaving a trail of tramped down white powder behind him. Will knew it from somewhere it felt like he had seen it before. Just where?

“The same unfortunate aftershave. Still with a ship on the bottle I suppose?” 

While had watched the animal jump through the snow a man had walked up to his house. A very familiar man. Dr. Lecter stood right in front of him.

“Hello Will.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uh i know its not a lot but as ive said ive got a lot of other stuff to do. Ill trz to post like every 3 to 4 days tho. would love to hear your feedback :D


	3. The broken man returns

Wills head slowlyy turned from right to left looking over his shoulder he saw him.

“I am so sorry will.”

“No No No No, don’t even come near me. You have left me alone when I had needed you the most.”

“I am truly sorry will...” 

“Shutup just shut up. One more word and I’ll call jack.”

Hannibal opened his mouth breathed in and… closed it again. So he just stood there in the snow, feeling the cold slowly rise up his legs. 

“COME ON FUCK OFF ALLREADY. WHY ARE YOU STILL STANDING THERE?”

“Because I don’t want to and will never leave you again will.”

“So what? As if I can trust you.”

“Will, I am practically dead. Everyone that I know has left me as well. There isn’t a purpose in my life… except for you.” His Danish accent laid thick on these words. 

“I promise you that I won’t leave you ever again. And you know I keep my promises.”

Graham lowered his head he knew that Lecter always kept his promises. 

“Can I come inside?” 

“No you may not! I trusted you over and over and every single time you have just used me, like a blunt tool.” Graham stared at Hannibal. His eyes were glossy and tearing up so he quickly looked away.

“That is not true and we both know it will.”

“I… I just don’t…” “No will, you know exactly what to do. You can either run and call jack or you could let me join you inside. It is your decision. Just let me know ok?” 

Lecter took the newspapers in his hand, opened them and sat down. The door fell shut with a loud bang as will had slammed it shut behind him, rushing furiously inside. Hannibal just smiled at his papers and chuckled.  
A few hours later the door opened, screeching over the wood. 

“Oh! There you are I was certain that you would not call. And the news are incredibly boring.”

“Just come in!”

Nodding Hannibal got up, pushed the chair back and walked towards the entrance of wills home. Will had looked at every single step the Doctor took, staring at him, scared and paranoid about losing him… again.  
What Hannibal had done, most people probably wouldn’t forgive him, but will knew himself he would just run after him again and again.  
He wasn’t particularly mentally strong, to be honest he would have frequent breakdowns, just sitting around, staring into nothing. Most of the time not even being able to cry, he just did literally nothing he didn’t even sleep or eat during these times.  
Will knew that he needed to eat and get some rest, but he didn’t.

“I do not want to insult you, but you look terrible will.” Lecter sat in front of graham, his legs crossed, as always, his eyes glancing over wills face.  
“I know.”  
“I am assuming that did not get any sleep tonight. The nightmares, are they still there?”  
“Yeah.”  
“What have you dreamt of?” “Why does that even matter?” wills face was inflamed.  
“Because you do.”  
“I… I dreamt of us. We were on a beach… together… Do I have to talk about this?” “No! Of course not Will.” Hannibal looked down, as if he was disappointed and ashamed of himself. Probably because he was. 

“I thought maybe I could help you.”

“Yeah just like you’ve always done.” Will said these words under his breath, even though he was certain that Hannibal would hear them and get hurt.

“Please Will, let me help you. Must I denounce myself as a monster while you still refuse to see the one growing inside of you?” 

“I am sorry but no, you can’t help me, nobody can.”

And now something happened that not even Hannibal himself could believe.  
Hannibal, he got up, walked towards will and… hugged him.  
Lecter had closed his eyes and just done it, without thinking, he did not know if he would regret it he just… did what he thought was best. 

Will ripped open his eyes; he wasn’t used to hugs and definitely not from him. The warmth and the smell of Hannibal, will had not even realised how much he had missed it. He slowly closed his eyes, buried his face in his shoulder and… and actually started to cry.

All the pain and hate from the last few months he could suddenly… let it out. Slowly he started to sob, and then it got more intense, so he started to cry out loud he even punched him. But Hannibal, he didn’t let go. He held will close and comforted him in his arms. 

The one thing that Will had never expected to happen… just did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always: not a lot but it sure is a lot more dialogue. Ill try to post more shorter chapters instead of fewer longer ones. let me know if you're ok with that.  
> And just as always would love to hear your feedback :D


	4. Pain to kill the pain.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> CONTAINS SELF HARM!!! DON'T READ IF YOU'RE TRIGGERED BY THAT. 
> 
> A shiver ran over his back, it felt good, so fucking good. He looked at the cut, at the scars on his thighs, at the crusted blood from the other days. Then he set the blade on his skin again, pressed down and set a second cut. Biting his teeth together he went for the third, not because of pain but because of pleasure. Fourth, fifth, sixth… As he opened his eyes warm blood was running down his legs. Single drops falling on his clothes staining them, but he didn’t care. “Just one more...” he whispered. “Just one more...”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shit's going downhill. Hannibal is trying his best but keeps on failing, while Will keeps on sinking deeper and deeper into his depression. I thought about adding fluff 'n shit, but im really not in the mood for that right now. Probably a lot of fluff, romance and smut in the next one tho. So for now drama... lots of drama. Let me know if i should change anything and if you'd liked it

The sun was glaring in his face as he awoke, gently warming his nose as he rose up.  
He would always close the curtains no exception, Will must’ve forgotten to do so… weird.  
He hated the sun, always being so ‘bright’ and ‘ happy’. Even before “he” had left, Graham was a night person.  
It would always get him into trouble during his highschool years, staying up all night, going to class all day. It surely was not good for him, but as always; he didn’t care. He still remembered the sharp pain of a ruler hitting him in the back of his neck, every time he had fallen asleep -again-.  
“Memories only memories” he mumbled, as he sat up on his couch. 

“Good morning Will, you woke up just in time for breakfast.”

Hannibal.

He was still here, so it wasn’t a dream. 

“Sausages, scrambled eggs and a salad, or pancakes. I was unsure of what to make so I had decided to prepare both.”  
“I… I think I’ll pass.”  
Wills stomach turned only by the smell of food.  
“I do know that your anger and sadness strangle your appetite, but especially after a night like yesterday, you have to eat!”  
Graham walked around the room, stopped and just looked at Hannibal.  
“Do not worry, I myself am quite fine. You probably have no memory of it but you collapsed on me yesterday.”  
“And that’s what? Bad?”  
He said those words energyless and sad, just staring at “Him” in disappointment.  
“Will you know that you are not well and...”

“And you, huh? What the fuck do you know. As if you even care. You weren’t there when I needed you the most, and now you’re what, sorry?”

He screamed these words out, straight in Dr. Lecters face. He knew that they’d hurt, he knew that he was mean, but he did not care. At all.  
Hannibal sighted and looked down, ashamed for something he did not do.  
Almost silent he said:  
“I know that it was wrong and I know that I had hurt you, but I came back, to make up for it. I promise you that all that I am going to say from now on is the truth only the truth and nothing but the truth.”  
Graham just shook his head and walked out of the room.  
For the first time in a very long time Hannibal felt… helpless.  
For the first time he did not know what to do.

 

 

What was will supposed to do? Blame Hannibal, forgive him? He didn’t know. He had never been good at making decisions and every time he did do so it seemed like he made the wrong ones. So whenever he had to choose between two things, those things ,most of the time, being bad and worse, he rather would not choose at all.  
With a scream he punched the mirror next to him. The glass seemed to shatter instantaneously, sending pieces flying in every direction, cutting open Wills knuckles. Surprised by what he had just done he quickly pulled away his hand and pressed it onto his chest, like he was trying to control himself.

“Will are you alright?” Hanibals face was filled with concirn.  
No answer.  
As he rushed into the bathroom Hannibal held on to the door frame to stop himself from running into will.  
“What happened?” he asked slightly out of breath.  
“Nothing.”  
Hannibal sighted and crouched down next to will on the floor.  
“May I see your hand?”  
“It’s nothing.” Graham flinched away.  
“Please.”  
Will slowly opened the grip around his own arm and held it towards Lecters open hands.  
“That is quite a cut, this may hurt a bit.”  
He took a few tissues, soaked them in whiskey and pushed them onto wills knuckles.  
Breathing in sharply Graham squeezed the well tailored suit Hannibal was wearing, as he let go slowly he looked up into his eyes blushing and looking away quickly as he caught his line of sight. 

They were still holding hands and neither of them let go, even tough it wasn’t necessary. Hannibal took a big patch and taped it over the blood smudged fingers of Wills right hand, still holding on to it with one, as he put away the first aid kit with the other hand.  
After a while he broke the silence: “You should lay down, so that the cuts remain closed.”  
Torturing himself to a brief smile he nodded.  
“Let’s take you to the bedroom.”  
Putting his arm around him, Hannibal helped Will up and supported him on his way trough the corridor into his room to let him lay down a bit.

“Do you require anything else?”  
Graham shook his head.  
“Should I stay here tonight. In case of the nightmares?”  
Will kept on staring at his sheets. Then he nodded ever so slightly.  
Hannibal leaned forward, breathed in and kissed Will on his forehead.  
“I will be right back, I promise”  
Nodding a third time he slowly turned onto to his side and curled up on his mattress, not even bothering to wrap himself in his blanket and closed his eyes.  
Lecter looked at the little bundle of sadness laying in the bed in front of him, sighted, took the blanked and put it over Will, covering him with it entirely to his neck and keeping him warm.  
That was the last thing Graham felt before he fell asleep.

An hour later Hannibal returned, he was out and had bought some things, especially food.  
Trying to do it as quietly as possible he took the groceries first putting them down on the countertop and then in the refrigerator.  
It had gotten dark and cold by now so he turned on the lights and lit a fire in the chimney, sending the smell of pine and oak through the entire house.  
After brewing a cup of tea he took it and walked to Wills bedroom with it. The door to his room -just like every other- squeaked as he opened it slowly. Will was sitting in his bed, back against the wall, holding on to his own knees, burying his face in himself. 

Quickly Hannibal set down the cup on the nightstand next to the bed and sat down on the bed next to Graham laying one of his arms around him, warming him and slightly stroking his soft hair with the hand of the other.  
“Ssh I’m here. I’m always here.”  
Graham swallowed hard, trying to hold back his tears, not to sob. But in the end he failed and just cried out loud, burying his face in Hannibals chest, grasping for him, holding on to his waistcoat and ripping a hole into the expensive fabric. Lecter just held his head, hand in Wills hair and pulled him close.

After, what must have been at least an hour, Will swallowed and said: “I was worried that you wouldn’t come back.”  
“I promised not to leave.”  
Graham looked up, straight into Hannibals eyes: “Thanks.”  
A bright smile flashed over Lecters face.  
“I think I should take a shower.”  
He nodded. “I will be right here.”  
Will forced himself to another smile, took his eyes of Hannibal and stumbled towards the bathroom. Before Lecter went out he had cleaned up the mess in the bathroom, fortunately he was quite good at removing blood stains and broken furniture. 

Will turned on the shower, took off all of his clothes except for his boxers and sat down on the toilet. Then he reached for his trousers, took out a black leather wallet, opened it and took out a razorblade that he had put in between two creditcards.  
He just looked at it for a long time, at the edge. Then he pulled up the boxers on his left leg breathed in and slit the blade through his skin. A shiver ran over his back, it felt good, so fucking good. He looked at the cut, at the scars on his thighs, at the crusted blood from the other days. Then he set the blade on his skin again, pressed down and set a second cut.  
Biting his teeth together he went for the third, not because of pain but because of plaesure. Fourth, fifth, sixth… As he opened his eyes warm blood was running down his legs. Single drops falling on his clothes staining them, but he didn’t care. “Just one more...” he whispered. “Just one more...”  
His left lap was already full of cuts, then he went for the right one. He did not cry, he did not even sob, he just sat there.  
Then he smiled… just smiled at himself while slicing into his right thigh. After what had been probably the fiftieth cut he accidentally dropped the blade. As Will leaned downwards to pick it up Hannibal knocked on the door: “Are you alright?”  
Ripped out of his trance he looked around, confused. “Yeah… I’m alright.”  
Hannibal could have smelled the blood from the other side of the room. He took a step backwards, aimed for the lock and kicked in the door.  
As the door flew open, ripping parts of the frame with it, Will just sat there, and looked to the floor, his hands covered in his own blood. A single tear ran down Grahams left cheek, dropping on his lap, into the blood. 

It stung as the salty fluid ran into his cuts, but he did not care,  
he did not care about anything any longer.


End file.
